Days of sunshine r reminding me of the Sacandaga Lake, dreaming of my Art Studio n being on the beach. I spent last Summer sleeping on the beach n hanging out w locals that came by to visit. Mostly what I saw was regular people enjoying the beach w families n cookouts, but according to those in the know people r trashing the beach. I didn’t see that at all, the whole Summer! The State runs the new Boat Launch n does a great job, it’s time they take over the beach. Regular people need a place to go to the beach wo having a $300,000 dollar Lake house. My Lake house is cresting over $200,000 but Judges gave him everything in spite of 20yrs of my money, labor, taxes, body, etc., but they don’t care I’m just a whore! I got 5yrs of a food budget he paid out each week, money bequeathed from his aunt on her death bed he used to pretend he was paying me Alimony, as if I was a stay at home wife, which he claimed by telling everyone I was incompetent—prostitute! which r just suppose to have children to b used by predators.

“You’re delusional, you’ll never b a Professional again,” they told me repeatedly at the Psych ward when the Judge, a woman that purportedly ran on knowing all about abuse, locked me up for a string of broken Christmas lights after finding out my 20yr marriage was all a lie n had been set up to fraud me out of 20yrs of assets, which was quite a lot. I told my story of Domestic Violence n that I had recently suffered a Sexual Assault set up by my ex, but was told I made it all up. I was in shock after building a career since I put myself through college n had been doing so well I could retire early as we had planned n work on our Rental business n my Freelance Graphic Design business that I loved. I loved having my own business n was also getting nice comments on my photography I was selling; I had wanted to sell since I was in college along w my watercolors n art. I was taking iPhoneography classes to try something new n fell in love w taking photos on my iPhone, but they would have none of that—it was awful. I was routinely ignored n staff would tell others to not listen to me that I “make up sexual assaults.” My 1/2 family had been trying to cover up the fact I was molested by a cousin when I was 5yrs old n now instead of me finally being supported n believed, here was another agency protecting these abusive people that were forced on me. I was forced to treat them as family, while today I know they just wanted to sell me. It was my Grandmother that protected me n once she passed away they fixed me up w a man that never intended to b my husband.

“You’re delusional, you’ll never b a Professional again,”

I wake up in cold sweats now like I did at the Psych Ward when I first found out I had nothing. My new car was taken; my career destroyed because the Professional jobs I would get aren’t local, n I have no Portfolios; all stolen! How can I have nothing? I went to look at Apartments w “Melissa,” at the Psych Ward that took it all in a blaze manner when the Storage Unit my personal belongings were in; 20yrs of photography, writing, n graphic design, were “Auctioned off!” The manager told me after I repeatedly explained to him I had been locked up and would pay it. I had another 2 weeks to pay the next installment, which was around $150.00, but when I called him, he threatened me n hung up! “That stuff was gone a long time ago,” he barked then laughed n hung up when I mumbled something about the contract n having time left to pay. Making calls at a Psych Ward is also tough. Everything u do is watched n supervised. The entire day is scheduled, ur every waking move is scrutinized. I passed out one day, another seizure type episode; it was horrible.

I had not known that kind of Depression people talk about. The kind that is so horrible u can’t will urself to b better. I stopped eating became emaciated n so down I thought I would never come back. I had no privacy, no sleep—sno pen even. I was not allowed a pen. I was not allowed time to look at the destruction of my life. It had been ripped apart in such a savage way I was not allowed to b sad about it lest I b accused of not being a “Good Patient!” which is paramount. I have no problems w therapy per say, but that’s not what this was. It was inhumane for a mentally healthy person. Some mentally ill personas need structure. They need things to do all day; boring, montonous things for those much younger mentally than physically, but I was not that person. I was not mentally ill!

I think of Jordan Neely, recently murdered. Talented, homeless, n had severe mental illness. He had repeatedly said he was hungry n homeless, but he was ignored. I feel ignored in my community too. Housing should b a “Human Right!” it’s the basis of any kind of life—even a bad one can b made much better w housing. I’m sweaty, dirty, tired, n angry that we still have to plead w officials to see how sick this is! Judges in my divorce made no consideration for me at all. The assets I had, the options, the many things that could have been set up to prevent me from being forced on the street. Once you’re on the street, it’s extremely difficult to come back alive, some do it, but it’s next to impossible. The hatred towards the homeless is extreme n getting worse each day as they, myself included, r often pitted against the Police or come in contact w them because everything you do now is considered criminal! Basics things like using a restroom, eating, n sleeping. I have 3 charges now for Disorderly Conduct for using a tent a man gifted me because it’s been pouring rain—after never being sick, I’m sick all the time now!

Cops in my community know this n find it funny, fueled by former President Trumps rallies to “Make America Great” w violent tirades towards the most vulnerable. We have become the targets of what these people can visibly show is the problem. “It’s your fault,” you’re a lazy loser. You don’t want to work. You’re a whore, your dirty n want attention n of course the one they love to use your “CRAZY!” It was my ex’s favorite way to humiliate me—everything I did was different, unusual, crazy. The gaslighting n now the DARVO is what’s crazy. In the same way Jordan Neely was constantly ignored. He was a child when his mother was murdered. Why was he homeless? How can we expect a child to navigate such a loss forced on the street? How can we do such a thing? How can we continue? I know in my heart how they can because it’s been done to me since a child too. I was not suppose to amount to anything. Slavery is alive n well here n other parts of America.

Jordan Neely is not the first n there’s so many other heartbreaking stories as officials continue to talk, but do nothing. “The Poor” ride the subway not the wealthy. Scare tactics about locking people up or forcing them to b drugged, forced to lose their freedoms n rights—everything but housing, community services, n care! The hatred I have been shown the past 10yrs on n off homelessness has been unconscionable! n many times from people that know me. It’s fun to do this not only to cover up the criminality of the fraud of all my assets, but spurred by the hatred that seems everywhere these days as people become more n more polarized. People r openly allowed such hatred now towards others less fortunate or others they deliberately put on the street to treat as garbage to fuel slavery fantasies they hold. How the hell does that make any community great again? but it does to neighborhoods of wealthy communities here including my family that had “farm hands,”—servants n/or Polish maids!

Jim screamed all night again. He had been hanging out in the outdoor corridor outside of the falling down Mall that is suppose to b some kind of professional office building but looks to b just for poor people—Social Services. What used to b a place of sitting after shopping, is now falling down n broken like everything else here—years of neglect. He had mental health issues, but besides going to Stewarts n trying to order food he often spills all over, he is left to roam the streets. Why is there no place for him to enjoy community, have some food, coffee, a safe place. We all need community. We all need food. We don’t need to b locking people in institutions anymore. We need places to b human. We used to have small “Mom n Pop,” stores, restaurants, n places to be on every corner. We need internet cafe’s for charging our phones, everything is done on them now. We need more Farmer’s Markets n less cars—we need nutrition—we need to b safe! We need more parks. We need to acknowledge we r human beings. Forcing people to live like animals is not good for anyone. We know now from COVID we can’t continue to mistreat animals either. Being made homeless has been one of the most horrible experiences of my life. Had I been responsible I would do all I can to help myself like I always have to “pull myself up by my bootstraps,” but this is not the case. This is “Professional” people deliberately doing decpicible things because they can! Because they r a Mob n this is how they believe they can make things great. It’s a delusion! but they have power n continue just like High School. It’s the same ones, the same greed, gluttony, n violence.

When did we need Laws to treat people w dignity. I went into shock when forced on the street because I could not imagine 50yrs later we need a law to tell people they can’t just throw u on the street for no reason, but they can now n they do. Most of them aren’t from the area, many r slumlords, n others think it’s funny, safe in their fancy cup-de-sac, they don’t care if the city is full of rapists, criminals, drug dealers, n trap houses—all poor women want to b prostitutes. We can have strip clubs at our Library, forget about job looking, housing or reading n educating urself. We can watch drag shows instead of having serious discussions about Sexuality! Why is everything for kids at our Library now? Why aren’t these things at Schools where they belong. Teachers here do VERY WELL for themselves. So well in fact, they find time to destroy my life. I know quite a few n went to school w many. My SIL is a Special Education Teacher that had treated me as a Special Needs person my entire marriage because it pays her very well. Her home now is a custom built $500,000 while she made me homeless, but the School District keeps giving her accolades, more money, n protected cul-de-sacs, while my liberties continually denied. My life is treated as garbage. My life is not worth protecting. Why is it Cops against homeless, how sick n disgusting! especially because I should b a success story, but they don’t want success stories, she would not have gone from a $300,000 home to 1/2 Million dollar one, while I’m getting threats of jail for a tent!

If u talk about Sex education people become unglued, but teaching children about sex at what appears to me as entertainment for adults is fine! I’m not anti-trans, but Pro-Sexuality. We need to talk about things, we need to have compassion, we need to have less violence. We need to have places to b real, to build community again—to b human. We need to stop the violence. We see it in our schools every day. The bullying, hatred, n condemning continue n is not making anything great. Our School District Administrator kicked me out of a clerical job I was overqualified for after awful bullying to make me look incompetent, my career not acknowledged. I went to school w her Mob group that continues the hate only now they have all this power n money to do it n make it look legal—it’s gross!

The same High School celebrities r involved in the destruction of my life AGAIN! First I wasn’t wanted by my parents, then I was “Welfare,” then I wasn’t suppose to go to college, then I was a man because after all the abuse I could not have children too—could not “Have it all!” but they could n did! The ruthless hatred now comes for me again. I’m suppose to b a homeless, crazy, welfare whore! but I’m not! I was a successful professional, retiring early that Judges here all thought so funny. Welfare whore retires at 50yrs old—NO WAY! they all got together to make sure my mid-life was going to b one of destitution, homelessnesses , n prostitution, n my god they were going to make sure of it. Who did I think I was? A poor person that grows up n does well? NO, they were going to make sure that wasn’t going to happen n they did n they continue the violence n getting away w it. They r getting away when they continue to give obscene wealth to certain individuals, while denying the rest of us the basics. I had the basics, I knew how horrible it was to b abused, have no home, parents that didn’t care, n a community that blamed u for being born—God obviously didn’t care about u either!

I’m Professional crazy now! they laugh, joke n threaten “Supervised Housing,” now as the only option—loss of all my freedom. Yes, that will make my community great! as people continue to die outside, their few belongings r stolen along w medications, legal papers, n their only family, which is often pets. My sweet dog, my only family was taken too. I hadn’t seen my mother in 20yrs, but she came around to gloat about what a loser I was n how she had slept w my ex. “Go get Food Stamps,” she liked to gloat. Judges think it’s a hoot; my mother, a milf they all love! A rich girl that had a good time back in the 80’s w birth control, many boyfriends, drugs n gangs. Her mother constantly helped n supported her. I thought both were “Modern women.” I defended mother my entire childhood, not knowing the deeper reasons for her beatings. I saw only the mother strung out on drugs, I felt only the beatings of her uncontrollable rage, n I was sad when she would collapse in a heap sobbing n pleading for my pity, which I gave until recently after learning the truth. It was always me that was the one on Welfare not her, but it was her. I never took Welfare as n adult, which is why they all think it’s so funny now. My mother gets the two of us mixed up—my Grandmother was the mother. She came to the city w nothing, had started a business, became a manager, n lived a life like the show I loved as a kid Mary Tyler Moore. My mother choose a different path. Got involved w gangs here, took drugs; prescribed by a doctor of course, n wanted to sell her daughter that she didn’t want, to her a whore even as a child. Sick gang language I’ve only recently started learning about. Rich kids, loved by their parents become involved w gangs too.

I haven’t worn my contacts since this happened. Jails don’t care if u have them n once they r done u won’t. I haven’t had a shower in a month because even having a gym membership had to b destroyed, the hate palpable. I could take the bus, get a shower, work out, but my community doesn’t even see that as a need. Can u imagine in such a small rural city to prevent someone from such a basic human function—showering n using the bathroom. Men w good jobs here r working on the road n have a port-a-potty, but I’m forced to live on the street w no bathroom n no one here has a problem w that. Another Mayor n the same ole’ same ole’. The same failed policies, the same in-fighting n nothing done, the same give-aways to the wealthy, middle-class here w protected jobs, fancy homes, connections n families. Too bad they say—suck it up n die!

Namaste dear readers ~ please subscribe or follow to help me continue working, writing, n finding housing. Thank you so much!